My Dream Car

Ok, so I am greiving the loss of my first car. It was a little Ford that had no A/C, tan duct tape holding together the bumpers, and desperatly needed a new transmission. It was a good little car whild I had it, and though I nearly got in a couple of wrecks because it stalled so bad, I still am quite sad about seeing it at the junkyard.

So, I have been looking around at websites trying to find a vehicle I can afford, without entirely killing the planet in the process. Alas, I am broke and cannot afford much. I have been thinking about my "dream car". I think my dream car is not necessarily typical. I mean, I haven't heard anyone else say that they would like this particular kind of car if they won the lottery!

My dream car: A green 2008 Toyota Prius. The features that I want include things like A/C, a sunroof, cruise control, power windows and locks, ABS, automatic transmission, AM/FM CD player, power steering. Simple stuff.

I would then go to Target and get some nice floor mats that match my personality. Maybe some seat covers too. Then, I would put bumper stickers on it; "Keep Sea Turtles in the Dark", the round "Humane Society" sticker, "I heart Craftster", a blue ribbon, "Every Child Deserves to be Safe and Free from Child Abuse" sticker, a Mote Marine sticker, and my favorite, a knitty.com Knit Pirate sticker.

Oh, and when I was growing up, my mom had the edge of her car ceiling (I forget what it's called) trimmed in the little pom-pom fringe. How cute would that be in a little green prius?! Then, of course, I would have to get the little vinyl decals off Etsy so that it looks like my car has a field of daisies growing on the side of it. Oh, yeah, I'd have to tacky it up! And then, in the trunk, I'd have to get some foldable storage cubes. The pretty purple ones, to store all of my junk. And my reusable shopping bags!

The little green frog toy I had in the Escort would have to be in the Prius. And, something I didn't have in the Escort, car sunglasses! It would get so hot in that little car; I can't imagine not having one in my dream car. (Of course, it would have to be like a rainforest theme one.) Perhaps I could find a way to put a faux Gerbera Daisy in my dash somewhere. It is my favorite flower....

I can imagine myself driving around, listening to Feist and the Moldy Peaches, looking at my little Daisy and frog pal, going downtown to see a movie at the indie film theatre, and bringing my bag of knitting. Ahh, the good life.

Soulful Journey

I am needed a clear-out. I need to start anew in a fresh blank space. In a way, I am nesting, but in a very unusual way. I need to give my spirtual side room to flourish. Hopefully after I have sufficiently slept, I hope to apply some henna to my hands. I need the feeling of a beautiful ancient art on my skin. It suits the purpose best, I think. I am quite reflective today. I need to sleep soon though. Spiritual work takes a lot of energy.

The mehndi design I wish to use tomarrow is my own, but it shall include a skeleton key hole with a very ornate border. I wish my hair were longer. I feel sexy with hennaed hands. I have always wanted to belly dance, or at least have a room that is plush and lovely, with ornate wooden doors, big floor pillows decorated in magical colors and embroidery. I want a big buddah head, peacefully watching over me. I want to henna myself and drink hot tea, and burn incense. I want to have long hair and bangled arms. I want to wear long flowing skirts, and midriff bearing tops. I want to meditate and have my palm read. I was in such need for a vacation, that now I am using it to do the things I had to hold off on. However, none of the above is what I need to do. It is quite distracting and aggrivating. I have been so busy with work and money and cars and all this other stuff that I don't much care to focus on right now.

I am daydreaming of a vacation in the mountains. Waking up to the fog in the tree tops, and the birds chirping. I want to feel the earth beneith me, not concrete. I want to be humbled by the greatness of the mountain range and the vastness of a waterfall. I want to sit in a hammock chair and look at the forest before me in awe. I wish to pick fresh wild berries off the vine, and wear boots. I wish to walk around in antique stores after eating a breakfast of eggs and from-scratch pancakes. I want to go to sleep under a big, fat moon that feels like it'll fall on me if I'm not too careful. I want to look at the stars and feel the night air in my lungs. I want to see deer in the woods, and stumble upon little creeks and babbling brooks. My soul is connected to the earth. I suppose it's true...you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl. Something inside me makes me want to don prarie dresses and boots and a bonnet. I suppose its my way of simplfying. I think that I need a change of scenery, and a change of senses. Yearning for a bit of history, some old fashioned charm, and a big heaping spoonful of friendly. I wanna eat luchious peaches and let the juices run down my chin and my arms and into my lap. I want to listen to the music that speaks to my soul in a big rockingchair, and journal my heart out.

I need to renew myself. This is something I have put off for so long, it feels like I'm a prisoner in my own life. I don't want to feel this way, but I do.

Perhaps I can get time off before too long, and see the Blue Ridge Mountains in my immediate area.

Love and Society

Ok, I am not one to really get into this topic too much, simply because everyone has their own opinion, and there is nothing ANYONE can do to change another person's idea on the subject.

I saw the whole Jamie Lynn Spears thing, and I wasn't really shocked. I mean, I have taught at a school of pregnant teens, and they were just like any other teen, except...pregnant. It wasn't a big deal. I didn't treat it like anything out of the oridnary, and so I earned their trust. It was a very cool experience.

This is what I don't understand, in school, when teaching about sex, abstinence is the primary thing that is taught. Everyone gets all bent out of shape, and then somehow Jesus gets thrown into the picture! I mean, really, WTF?! How about talking to teens about emotions, and neediness, and want. Talk about lust, and love, and the difference between the two. Talk about the need to feel love and where to get it besides in sex. Talk about the human nature, and the necessity to feel touch. Talk about weakness, and rage, and all the things that are the tipping point to initiating sex. Teens don't want to hear about diseases that they "might" get, or memorize the sex organ names and parts. Teens want someone who approachable, someone who won't judge them or tell them that they are stupid. Teens know. They want to feel love. They want to feel pleasure. They want to feel adult. They want to feel sexy. Tell them it's okay to want to feel those things. It's natural and normal. And you know what? It's natural and normal to want to have sex. Don't tell them NOT to do it. Tell them to really think about it.

Teach both sexes that they should be proud of who they are. Teach self-love (no, not THAT kind of self-love). Teach respect for yourself and others. Start when they are small.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that it all comes back to the parents. And I can guarantee that I will not be a perfect parent. But I will try, and I hope that I can teach my children through action that love is something that comes in many shapes, colors, and sizes. And that who they are, just as they are, is a wonderful thing. And that it's okay to feel emotions, but it's important to remember that emotions plus action, without thought, is the reason wars are waged, that suffering occurs, and that less that optimal events occur. I have great hope for my future children, because I shall raise them to be independant thinkers.

Karma is a bitch, and if you punish your children with factless emotion, you shall only reap what you sow.

Love and Contraception,
Mimi

The Big Bad Monster

There is something so basic within our culture that causes us to sweep abuse under the rug. We can't pour money into a laboritory, where little science geeks put abuse in a petri dish and try to figure out the cause. No, abuse is something that cannot be fought with a ribbon on a cereal box, or a three-day walk. (Yes, I hold some resentment against the whole breast cancer thing if you can't tell.) Abuse is something so complex, something that feeds into our most human core. It is scary. It is ugly. And it spreads faster than any cancer that ever existed.

This Christmas, I am reflecting on what I believe is the reason people are so afraid to take this ugly monster head-on.
1. Individuals believe it can't happen in their neighborhood
2. Society still holds firm to myths about abuse
3. Abuse is not "polite conversation"
4. Abuse is not dealt with at a national level
5. Abuse is not discussed in politics
6. Abuse is not taken seriously within the judicial system

My own personal story is not pretty. Few know many details...only Stefan and my mentor truly know more of my gritty bits than anyone else does. I choose not to let my parents in on a lot of it, because they don't need anymore reason to want to kill him. I don't go into the schools announcing that I am a survivor of sexual and emotional abuse. I have yet to have a student ask, and I would only tell them if they asked. Even then I would be selective of what I say. I know that I am a survivor, and that's all that matters. I am an open book, but if I feel that I am not willing to share the depths of my soul, I will tell the inquisitor so. I am not yet ready to share with the world the awful things that I have lived through, or the effects of those experiences. But I can tell you that abuse, no matter how small it may seem to another person, puts the victim in an upside down, back-assward world that is so much easier to deal with than trying to set things strait again. The greatest accomplishment of my life was the moment I realised that I had moved from being a victim to a survivor. And let me tell you, that is so much harder than it sounds.

So, on Christmas morning, as I open my presents, I can honestly tell you that of all the gifts I've recieved, it is my family, friends and mentors that have been the biggest blessing I could ever ask for. And I hope that all children can feel the way about the people in their world the way I do. I look forward to the new year, where I hope to take care of myself, so that I can continue fighting the good fight. For, if I save one child from ever being abused or neglected, I can die knowing that I have done far more than most have done in a lifetime.

Love and Safety,
Mimi

Falling in Love Everyday

I don't know the exact moment I fell in love with Stefan. I think it happened gradually, going from supreme lust to infatuation, to love. He sparked my intrest to be sure; I saw those cute art-boy glasses and WHAM! I just couldn't help myself. I knew I had to have his lips against mine, or else.

The funny thing is, I never expected it to last this long--at least not in the beginning. I thought, we'll go on a couple of dates, we will have a good time...and that'll be it. Six months, tops. But alas, six months turned into a year, and a year turned to two, and now we have celebrated our three year dating anniversary. That's quite an achievement for two people that met in high school, where most relationships last no more than a month or two. It hasn't been all chocolate hearts and red roses. We've laughed together, cried together, and disagreed intently. But we have had the blessing of very open and honest communication; we can tell each other anything, and it's ok. Our relationship is not perfect...no one's is...but I think it has been our trust in one another that has caused many a disagreement to avoid the jump into argument.

We have been talking about marriage for a while. It began in intimate moments; a random, "marry me!" exclamation, then more serious talk ensued. The plan has been that we'd move in together, then a few months in, Stefan would propose, then we'd marry. In a lot of ways, we are already married. Or rather, our souls are. If there is such a thing as "soulmates", this is what it looks like. When we are together, everything is so natural and easy. And I am not a particularly easy person to live with. I have my moments where I am difficult, unreasonable, and a down right pain-in-the-ass. But miraculously, Stefan has succeeded in talking me down from the brink of madness many, many times. I have become a much better individual because he has been in my life. And for that I think I could not be who I am without him.

The reason I write this, is to say that even loonies like me can find someone that is meant for them. Never settle for less than the best. You deserve the best, both men and women, in your life. If I can find someone that I know I can spend my life with without fear or doubt, than I truly believe that anyone can. You have to take care of yourself first. Then love like your hair's on fire!

Love and Romance,
Mimi