The Age of Commitment

Another one of my friends just sent me a card declaring her recent engagement to her boyfriend of several years...I think 4 but I am not sure.

I am under the belief that I must be at that prime point in my life when most of the girls my age, or near my age, are becoming quite committed to becoming a wife. Yes, it must be a bridal wave.

I just want to put it out in the universe that though the card made me want to vomit in envy, I am genuinely happy for her and her fiance. She is my friend, and I wish nothing but the best for her.

I hope that when I get engaged, I won't inadvertently cause anyone to feel like it'll never happen for them. I say that I KNOW he'll ask, but a piece of me wonders why we're letting the world decide when it'll happen. Money is a stupid reason not to get married. I hope that is not the case, but I don't know. Somehow I feel that by waiting for money, we'll be making a huge mistake. But I suppose Stefan feels that it would be an even bigger mistake not to wait for money.

Really, the only reason we aren't engaged now is because we are waiting to move in together first, which I truly feel would be the best. That said, rent is atrocious. I don't know who decided that ANYONE can afford $1200 for a 2bed/2bath house, but they were smoking somethin' spoiled. $800/mo. is really our limit, but I think if we could find something even cheaper, that would be great.

What sucks more than anything is that we seem to keep pushing back the date of when we will look for a place to live. Before, we talked about the end of this summer. Well that came and went, so then we decided maybe November/December. But alas, that would take money away from Christmas gifts, so now it's sometime after New Years. I don't know that I can get my hopes up and be disappointed again. I want so much to be with Stefan, (most especially in the capacity of being a wife) that I can't bear think of the move-in-together date being pushed back even further.

But what choice do I have? None apparently. Just hope for the best, but have no expectations.? I suppose that's all I can do.

If I didn't love him to the point of wanting to be wed, would this be an issue at all?