The Artist Who Wasn't

A break from movie reviews for a bit of my inner thoughts...


I am in a bit of a flux. What's nice is that I don't feel quite so complicated and turbulent as I did a while ago, but I do feel a change. Ah, winter is when I blossom into a better person. Go figure....

My school is allowing everyone to start picking their classes now for the Spring semester, but I am not sure that I want to go. I am taking a Career Explorations class currently, and all of the assessments that go along with the class tell me that I need to do something creative and something that helps people. (I kinda HATE people, so that doesn't really help matters.) So I first thought, "hmm, maybe you should be a Art Therapist. Then you can do both at the same time." Now I am not so sure I like that idea.

One of the Pharmacists that I work with was dumped over the phone by his girlfriend last week. Now I now that sounds like trivial information, but it made me think. You see, it really hurt me to see him upset. I am a very empathetic person. So for the rest of the evening I was really bummed about it. I have since realised that I am going to be really bummed all the time if I become an art therapist. I would have to see little children and old people and all kinds of people in lots of pain. I am not so sure I could deal with it. People have always used me as a dumping ground for their problems, and I don't want to take the garbage home with me for the rest of my life.

This is the point in which I thought of taking next semester off. My mom and I talked last night because I was looking at the classes I will have to take, and I wasn't too thrilled about it. She said that I could always go back to college, because I am young and I don't have that many obligations. Momma didn't want me to feel like I HAD to go for other people. She just wants me to find my niche, and find what makes me happy, because that is what really matters. I had to agree.

Thus, I am considering taking next semster off. I would of course get a second job ('cause I sure as hell can't just sit at home and draw all day.) However, I think I'll look into getting a job that allows creative outlet or deals with art in some way. This could be really good for me, because it would allow me the oppurtunity to see if that is what I am meant to do. If it doesn't work out, I can always go back to college. But if it does work out, I could skip all of that time in a classroom.

What I plan on doing if I go through with this, is to submit a few drawings to American Greetings, Hallmark, sticker companies, stationary companies and art shows. I also plan to make prints and other misc. stuff to sell at Art&Craft fairs. I am also thinking of perhaps getting a booth at the Farmer's Market downtown. I would do it on the Saturdays I don't work at Target. I am essentailly looking to be the next Mary Englebreit. I want to have calenders and magnets and cookie jars and greeting cards and stationary and rubber stamps with my drawings on it. I want to bring people happiness through my art. The is so much scary stuff in this world. I want my art to make people like everything is okay.

So that's just what I was thinking about....