Greatness

It is quite obvious the depression I am going through. Everyone around me has noticed it, and I have been beyond aggrivated with the situation.

My mom and I went shopping today, and we were talking about it. I was really trying to explain to her how I felt. i said something along the lines of, "I feel like I have no purpose". My mother turned to me, and she looked at me with a face that I hadn't really seen before. She said, "Out of the people I've known, friends and family, I have never known anyone who so obviously has a greater purpose than you. Since the day you were born, I knew you were destined for greatness."

It really kinda surprised me that she said that, but it really hadn't set in until just a bit ago. You see, I have always known in my heart that I am supposed to do something BIG in my life. What that is, I have no idea, but somehow I have always known this.

If you have never felt this, I can only explain it as an inner turmoil that feels like a magnet pulling you through time, blindly taking you in all sorts of directions. And the older I get the more it feels like the magnet is getting stronger, and the cloud of turmoil, bigger. The inner turmoil is like a pitch black hurricane, that every so often shows me which path I should choose with the greatest clarity, like the eye of the storm. For the past three years, I have not experienced a moment of clarity in this turmoil. To be honest, it rather disturbs me that I have not. In the course of my life, it has always been that I could expect a new life chpter about every two years. I keep waiting, and I am starting to worry.

It would be nice to know what I am meant to do with my life; at least a general idea. All I know, is that I am supposed to help people in some way. Oy. What's a girl to do?