The Grass Is Greener

Tomarrow is the offical last day of my job with the big bulls-eye. I am not sad, nor am I really happy...ok, yes, I am happy, but I suppose that the word I really ought to use is "peaceful". My gut is telling me that this is the right thing to do, depite my lack of a job being lined up to take its place. Perspective employment is not really a concern for me right now (though my checking account is....) I suppose it's the fact that I can finally get rid of this darn uniform and move on with my life.

Now don't get me wrong--I really like my coworkers here. The big boss of the pharmacy is a great guy, and has really been great to me. The younger boss was always crazy but still had his moments where he was lots of fun too.

I suppose I feel like this is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. It is not really the great big change that typically comes with new life chapters, but in it's own way, I feel like it is a step in the right direction for me. I have so many plans, and the more I grow, the more I realise that I can't make plans...at least not plans for the far distant future. To be perfectly honest, I am so over the whole wedding thing, and I really am kind of indifferent about Stefan and I moving in together. (I know it'll happen and I WANT it to, but I have given up my expectations as to when it'll happen.) My job that I love can't give me a full time position, and that's really okay with me, because I know that money is just too tight everywhere for me to have grand wants that just won't happen anytime soon. But I suppose it helps that I am getting older, because as I age, I am learning more and becoming more patient. (Not something I'm not particularly known for.)

What I really feel is that I have been let down so much in the past few months, that I fear putting my heart into something, and it being broken again. I simply can't bear to do that anymore for a while. So, I took a leap of faith, knowing that I had a lot to lose, and so much more to gain, and I needed to just have no expectations. So I quit the job here, fully knowing that it could turn out really great or not so great. And that was it.

My advice to anyone who is young, and not having to support anyone other than themselves is to hunt down joy. I knew that I couldn't be happy staying in this job. Life is so full of heartbreak, why should I spoil my youth by making myself miserable. Yes, it is not very resposible for me to do this, but I'll tell you what, it would be even more irreponsible if I did this when I had to make morgage payments and feed a couple of kids. So, if I am gonna have to bust my ass in a job I hate, why do it now?

We'll see how everything goes...