Stuck in the middle with you.

Rhymefest, a rap artist whom I personally feel should get way more media exposure, says in his song Bullet, "What you've done is put yourself between a bullet and a target, and it won't be long before you're pulling yourself away." That sort of explains how I feel. I feel stuck.

I am stuck in a job which I have grown out of. I am ready for different things. Target has been an excellent employer, and I appreciate their understanding of my quirkiness. However, I am just ready for a position that allows me to be more...distanced from the customer. I love being a tech, but the customers are so rude, irritable, and trying, that it basically cancels out all the pleasures of the work. I'm am stuck because of several reasons. Stefan and I are planning to go to Belgium in June, so I can't leave Target until after our trip, because I won't be able to receive enough vacation time by then. Whats more, if the plans for Belgium fall through, then I will have spent all that time at Target, miserable, because I was waiting around for more solid plans to develop.

Then, I feel stuck in a living situation I've grown out of. I love my parents, but I am so ready to leave the nest. I wish to live on my own before Stefan and I move in together, but I don't have the money to do so. Which goes back to my first sticky situation.

Next, I feel stuck in a school I have definately gotten to big for. MCC is great for people who want to learn something like nursing or dental hygiene, but if you're like me, MCC is like a high school with ash trays. I don't feel challenged. I don't feel productive. I don't even feel like I am learning anything. But, I cannot afford to go to New College just yet (and I have yet to figure out what I want to go there for), nor do I have enough credits for transfer without starting over as a freshman. I am just stuck at MCC. But I think I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it if I had other parts of my life unstuck.

And the last reason is one that I don't know that I can say or type yet, because it doesn't make me miserable. It just is. I'm not unhappy with the situation, but I guess I feel like things are just stagnant. I need a bit of spice. Some fun. I wanna get silly and be a 19 year old. Like I'm supposed to be. If that can't happen, nothing will change. I'll just feel the same as I do now.
I love you no matter what.

Anyway, if anyone else feels this way, please feel free to comment. (I know no one actually reads this blog, but I likle to say it just in case.)